...just sometimes...

Just sometimes I feel like I live in between reality and what I wish my reality was. Which can be very unfortunate when you're at a party trying to enjoy yourself but you just can' because yo just feel miserable. When a person is alone their imagination can take over, they can pretend tat their lie is better than it actually is, but wen they are suddenly in public they are harshly pulled out of this fantasy and are given and very painful reality check: your life is miserable, you aren't happy, none of these people like you very much, everyone is staring at you wondering why you're here. And, to be completely honest, that kind of hurts. But it gets easier with tie right? Isn't that what everyone says? Well I'm going to be very blunt here, no it does not get easier with time, you can't just sit around waiting for something wonderful to happen to make you feel better. God is on your side and will help you, but you have to work too, he can't do all the work for you. And even though it is REALLY difficult sometimes...that is just what you have to do. You have to go out and change things, because nothing is going to change unless you go out there and do something DIFFERENT. That's the key here, doing something different, changing something in your life to make it a little bit better. In my case that was staying away from certain people, because once I started to go back to them I felt miserable again, so I've got to change that. I've got to be happy again. Because being depressed...is over rated. And I'm done dealing with it.

{Obsessions and Declarations of Faith}

I know that this title is a little bit strange...but I promise by the end of this post it will make sense. I've recently seen the movie "Soul Surfer" and I immediately fell in love with it. Not only is it a great movie, but it has a fantastic message. The first time I saw this movie I had just gotten home from girls camp, so I already had a very spiritual sense of mind. A sense of mind this movie has helped me keep. I was kind of nervous the first time I watched this movie, because I knew what was going to happen, I just didn't know when. But the whole attack scene was really not that bad, it could have been a whole lot worse. I remember that during that scene she kept saying "please Jesus, get me to the beach" it hit me very hard. After I had seen the movie a few times I decided I wanted to read the book. It was a touching read because Bethany goes into a lot more detail and I remember at times I would tear up and want to stop. But I couldn't. She talk about how moments after the attack she had the terrifying thought "you could die" but she pushes the negativity away with a prayer and thinks "I am in God's hands" how can that not move you?? She also talks about how while in the ambulance the EMT sitting with her whispers "God will never leave you." Her response in the book is "he was right." It amazes me how even after something so traumatic she can still have such faith in the lord. There is a Scripture mentioned in both the movie and the book, And that is: Jeremiah 29:11 "for I know the plans that I have for you, says the lord, plarns to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. In the book that Scripture was used as a revelation that Bethany's youth leader, Sarah Hill, is given to give to the Hamilton family after Bethany's attack. In the movie Sarah says it at their rag night as something that has has a great impact on her life. Well, it had an impact on mine too. Now, don't get me wrong, I know I've never gone through anything even in comparison to Bethany Hamilton. But I've had trials, trials that sometimes I don't understand. But I know that I have these trials to strengthen me, and my faith. My trials have made me a better person. And I am grateful for every one of them. I do have faith in my heavenly father, and in Jesus Christ. And I wish that when I have trials that I could look to them more. In the book Soul Surfer, Bethany talks about how she doesn't blame God for what happened to her, she says that he knew it was going to happen and he made a way for her to have a happy, prosperous life despite of her attack. And I believe that too, I believe that the bad things that happen to us aren't because of God, they are just things that needed to happen to us, and the good things that come from the bad, hard things are the work of God. I know that it is totally cheesy that a movie has strengthened my testimony, but it has. The story of Soul Surfer has inspired me to do and want so many things. It has had such a great impact on my life. Its truly amazing.

So my dear readers that is what I wanted to say, for those of you still lost my obsession is Souls Surfer. And my declaration of faith in pretty plainly states above. I really believe that the message of Soul Surfer is that "you can do all things" because you can. And if Bethany Hamilton ever happens to read this, (which is unlikely but possible) I just want to thank her for sharing her story with the world :)

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

~Save it for a rainy day~

this is the gutter outside my house, Can you see it? Neither can I.

This is the curb...Still can't see it.

the View outside my house because I was too scared to get off my porch...

Waking up this morning it seemed like a rather dreary day, but then it started Pouring rain, Like everything was flooding. It was fantastic, I just love the rain, it rained ridiculous on saturday too, I went out and played in it with Isa, it was fantastic, and a few weeks earlier it was raining and I went out with Ashley and Shannon, I have some picture of that, I will put them up shortly.

My Room

I got new rope Lights for my room since we're changing it all around. They smell like new plastic. Case you were wondering.

More pictures to come.

Something to think about.

All I want is to be able to dream again.

To be able to leave the world around me and go into this magically fantastic place where everything is perfect. But its not and I've lost sight of my dreams

All I want is to wish again.

To see the first star of the night and wish something from my wildest fantasies. But I won't because it won't happen.

All I want is to be able to feel again.

To see something happy and be able to join in. But I can't because all I feel is pain.

All I want is to trust again.

To look into the eyes of someone close and be able to put faith in them. But I won't because they'll hurt me in the end.

All I want is to sing again.

To let my voice be heard by everyone around me. But I can't because they won't hear what I hear.

All I want is to dance again.

To express myself in a different way than words. But if I do they won't hear what I'm saying.

All I want is to smile again.

To look at someone and show them the happiness inside me. But I'd be lying.

All I want is to be happy again.

To join in with the laughter around me, to smile and not lie, to dance and have them hear, to sing and have them join me, to trust and not get hurt, feel and not be in pain, to wish and believe in magic, to dream big. But I can't because I've been broken and hurt to badly.

Have you ever thought about the lasting effects your words can have on a person? How they can eat away at them for longer than you can remember what you said? Words hurt. They've hurt me, and there was a point where the words of others made me feel small and worthless and pitiful. I was convinced everyone hated me, and I'm sure a lot of people did...It changed me, the words of these people, I went from being a happy, bubbly person with a charming personality, to a person no one wanted to be around, so someone who was always sad a person who hid behind a fake smile so that people wouldn't judge them. A person who pretended everything was okay so that they wouldn't give anyone the satisfaction of being hurt. The type of person that when they're alone all they do is cry, the type of person who cries themselves to sleep...I'm sure I am not the only one this has happened to, and I don't want it to happen to anyone else because it is miserable. Its like everyone around you is plotting against you, and your entire world is dark. I was always the type of person who looked to the future and had dream a million miles ahead of me, then all of a sudden everything is front of me was black. I never felt more alone, I hated myself, and resented everyone around me. I just couldn't understand why the people who were supposed to be my friends were hurting me so badly, I felt like some of my closest friends were holding things over my head, just out of my reach. I felt like they were thrilled to finally have something over me. Anyway, The reason I am saying all of this is because I'm sick of being miserable, and I know I'm never going to be totally okay with everything that has happened, But I don't want to ever see someone else in this position. So please people, Think about what you say before you say it, because no matter who you say it to it will always get to the person you said it about, and you never know how it will effect that person in the long-run. Words hurt my friends, so be the person to stop this, stop the pain...stop the gossip, its not worth it. And it hurts. Believe me, I know. And its a lesson worth remembering.

*all about me*

I had inspiration from my sister to do this {blog stalking is a fun hobby} just a list of strange things about me, things that maybe you do know or maybe don't, whatever, happy reading.

~I am a sophmore in highschool

~though I am one of the oldest in my group of friends, I am the shortest...by a lot.

~I love to sing

~I am OBSESSED with ABC family's pretty little liars

~I love reading

~I love writing

~I LOVE disneyland

~But I hate roller coasters...

~I love my sisters, Jessie, Shannon, Emma, Isa, and Ashley.

~I love performing, though I'm taking a break from the drama of the drama department

~I sleep with my leopard print snuggie every night.

~I love blue

~I love winnie the pooh and am very excited to see the new movie

~I have an overactive imagination {and proud of it!}

~sometimes I wish I go to Hogwarts

~if pokemon were real I would ditch school to become a pokemon trainer

~I act like a child

~I laugh at everything

~I've been kissed

~I've had multiple boyfriends

~I've thought I was in love

~I hate mornings...

~My sister Isa and I are PRO at DDR and Cooking mama.

~One summer all I did was play DDR with Isa from like nine in the morning to ten at night, zero exaggeration.

~I can't sleep unless I have my running lights and night time playlist on

~people tink I'm a lot more complicated than I actually am

~If you're trying to talk to me and I don't respond its probably because I'm day dreaming

~I'm a dork, and I'm proud of it.

Viva Las Vegas

On our way to VEGAS!!

We had lunch in Paris ;)

New york New york!!

MGM Grand

The MGM Grand is my favourite hotel on the strip I just think its beautiful.

disney land

I'm so excited for pretty little liars tomorrow, like you have no idea. But this post is not about that, this is about my upcoming trip to Disneyland, I'm even more excited for that which is saying something. I LOVE Disneyland! Sooo excited.

Simple things that make me smile.2

I actually really like this picture, it's very rare when there is a picture of the two of us that isn't just ridiculous.

I LOVE both of our faces in this picture, we're just...well, yeah...

awww:) we're cute, we probably just did something stupid and then we were laughing and took at picture. hah.

call us ;)

I just don't want to explain this picture, because honestly I don't know how... :)

just some more pictures of my "sisters" and me:)

My sister and me hahah

My "sister" and I are probably some of the funniest people you will ever see.

Basically we're awesome and you're jealous hahahonline P.E who knew right??

Simple things that make me smile

Look at how sweet they look! We were all playing with the camera on my computer and changing the way our face looked hahah! It was the best.

We all look ridiculous. But that is why I love these girls so much, because we can act like total fools and not even care.

this was probably one of my favourite pictures. Hahah I just love all of our different expressions, it really shows our personality

I love my "sisters" so much they make me laugh like no other. We always do the strangest things together and I love it.